iMessage groups and potential for cyberbullying

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iMessage groups and potential for cyberbullying

Hi,

I have the problem many others are experiencing where my kids have been included in grouped iMessages that they can't get out of. This should be a serious issue for Apple given the issues around cyberbullying and youth suicides related to it.

The only way to solve it appears to be to turn off the WiFi at home, completely disable messaging (if that is possible) or put their iPod Touches on eBay and get them an android device.

I've just sent this to Apple Feedback. I suggest other concerned parents do the same. If anyone's found a solution to getting kids out of a group message, or turning off group messaging that actually works please let me know.

Dear Apple,

You need to urgently implement a change in iMessage to allow users to remove themselves from group messages.

My kids have iPod Touch's of the current generation and they started using iMessage to contact myself & my wife. This was useful.

However one of their friends created an iMessage group and now they are getting 90+ messages a day and there appears to be no way of removing them from the group.

In this age of cyberbullying and youth suicide this seems to be a concerning and serious flaw in your programmers thinking.

There needs to be a way of
1. blocking individual senders iMessages
2. blocking all group messages
3. removing yourself from a group

I have tried messaging all of the kids in the group from my daughters iPod to ask that they all stop responding and create a new group without her in it. That hasn't worked. Once one replies to the original messages she is included again.

Myself and several other parents are tearing our hair out trying to solve this. The only solutions at present appears to be:
1. turning off messaging altogether, which means we can't communicate with our kids which was useful.
2. turn off the wireless network at home unless we are around to supervise & provide emotional support if the messaging turns nasty.
3. ditch the iPod and get the kids an android tablet

The latter is looking attractive if you don't solve this very soon.

I would have thought that with all of the negative publicity Facebook is attracting with the issue of youth suicide & cyber bullying in Australia, this "bug" or "feature" would see Apple concerned that they might be seen on the front page of the newspaper right up there with all the negative publicity Facebook is copping in Austrailia.

Dave

iPod touch, iOS 5.0.1

Posted on Mar 2, 2012 4:23 PM

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Answer 1

rbosch

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Mar 6, 2012 7:44 AM in response to Dkjones

I completely agree that this is something that Apple needs to address. In the short term I was wondering if going into the Settings for Messages and removing that email address from the list of addresses you can be reached at would help. You could then just use or create a new email and be selective about who you share it with.

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Answer 2

Dkjones Author

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Mar 6, 2012 5:18 PM in response to rbosch

Hi

Thanks for the suggestion but it's not really a solution. You can't create a new Apple ID & email account every time your kid ends up in a group message.

You have no control over how often that happens.

Apple need to fix that urgently.

Dave

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Answer 3

Mar 6, 2012 6:16 PM in response to Dkjones

Speaking as a parent and a grandparent, the solution should be intuitively obvious to even the most casual of observers for the simple fact that before a bully can include your child in a Group Message, the bully MUST know how to contact the intended victim. From that we can infer that either your child gave his or her contact information to the bully, or your child gave that information to someone associated with the bully.

Therefore, the easiest and most efficient way to stop this is on a partent by parent, child by child basis. YOU need to confront your children, find out who is in this bully group, and then YOU need to contact EACH AND EVERY parent.

YOU have to take responsibility for your child's safety and well being. It is not Apple's fault that bad people are using Apple products to do bad things. It is however YOUR responsibility to bring those bad people to justice.

And incase you're interested, I've dealt with this same sort of situation with my 11 year old grandson and some of his "friends" on FaceBook.

As a result of my ruthless persuit of these low-lifes, my grandson is no longer being tormented, and several young people have been taught a very valueable lesson: Don't mess with a Navy man's family.

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Answer 4

Dkjones Author

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Mar 7, 2012 3:42 AM in response to cliftonfromrichmond

Hi Clifton

I agree with most of what you are saying but you have one thing wrong. What apple have done is worse than Facebook. You have no say in being involved in a group or who is in it with you.

There is no approval process or removal or opt out option.

You don't have to give your contact details to anyone who is the potential problem.

Let's say Billy is friends with Robbie, but doesn't like Sally because she's not very nice. But Sally is friends with Robbie.

Billy doesn't give his details to Sally. His friend Robbie. Has them though.

If Robbie sends a message or phot with both Billy & Sally as the recipient they are now all in a group message conversation. All replies go to the group.

Worse still, all recipients contact details are attached. They are distributed with each message.

Sally now has Billy's phone or email address.

Also, she can now correspond to Robbie trashing Billy and billy can't get out of the group. Even if he gets Robbie to delete the group messages of his device too he can't get it off Sally's. She just keeps going.

Now you might get Sally's mum to do it but if there's six or twenty kids in the original group you might struggle to get all twenty to delete the group message simultaneously - which is the only way to kill it off.

It might not even be a bullying issue. If my wife had a baby & I sent a photo to half my address book (let's pretend you're in it) you would get every reply congratulating me. I'm a paramedic so all my shift working friends messaging me at 2 & 3 am by hitting reply send you a message too.

And you can't get out of the group unless everyone in it deletes the message simultaneously & starts a new group without you in it...

Now can you see the extent of the problem?

I've not even started on the breach of the privacy laws in some countries.

Dave

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Answer 5

Mar 7, 2012 4:41 AM in response to Dkjones

Dave:

I feel sorry for ya dude, I really do, but you're missing the whole point, and you even validated what I said, and I quote:

"

Let's say Billy is friends with Robbie, but doesn't like Sally because she's not very nice. But Sally is friends with Robbie.

Billy doesn't give his details to Sally. His friend Robbie. Has them though.

If Robbie sends a message or phot with both Billy & Sally as the recipient they are now all in a group message conversation. All replies go to the group.

Worse still, all recipients contact details are attached. They are distributed with each message.

Sally now has Billy's phone or email address.

Now you might get Sally's mum to do it but if there's six or twenty kids in the original group you might struggle to get all twenty to delete the group message simultaneously - which is the only way to kill it off.

I'll agree its a nasty situation, but like killing roaches, you have to get them all, and unfortunately you may have to envolve law enforcement. Been there, done that...

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Answer 6

Jan 22, 2013 2:57 AM in response to Dkjones

I have just discovered this problem after several children received Ipod's for Christmas.

APPLE this is a serious breach of security. Our childrens contact details are being passed onto other children and adults they don't know without their permission and knowledge. This leaves them wide open to all sorts of potential abuse as mentioned above and I believe in a vunerable position where someone they don't know could make contact - iMessage Grooming!!!!!!!

This is SERIOUS and you should be extremely concerned about this and ensure it is fixed ASAP. Give everyone the option to turn group messaging on or off; it can't be difficult??!! And ensure that contact details remain private and secure at all times. You should only be able to group message with people in your own contact list!

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Answer 7

Jan 22, 2013 5:05 AM in response to Twizztwine

Twizztwine:

You are not talking to Apple. They may be monitoring this community for Terms of use violations, but other than that you are just talking to end users like yourself.

If you are serious about getting Apple to fix this, then you need to get a 3rd party or parties involved. Local news, national news, state attorney general, FCC, FBI, legal counsel...

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Answer 8

Jan 22, 2013 5:26 AM in response to cliftonfromrichmond

Cliftonfromrichmond

Thank you, I didn't realise we weren't talking to Apple otherwise I would not have submitted this I would have emailed them directly. Unfortunately I am extremely angry about this as we have found children as young as 8 to be caught up in this group messaging without any authorisation of their details being passed on and without any understanding from the parents that this occurs with iMessaging until it was too late. Parents have been put in extremely awkard situations and it causes all sorts of problems, even when used completely innocently/naively.

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Answer 9

Jan 22, 2013 6:02 AM in response to Twizztwine

Not a problem. I agree with you 100%.

I do not have any minor children, so I don't have a horse in this race. With that being said, getting this issue resolved is up to parents like yourself. Get off your backside and get the ball rolling. And I wouldn't tell Apple what I was doing either. Hit them dead between the eyes with as many lawyers and children's advocates as you can muster, and don't stop hitting them until they surrender. Bring in your local news stations, put faces and names on this issue. These are YOUR CHILDREN we are talking about, and YOU are responsible for their safety.

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