Hi mitchff313,
I agree with you that it's absolutely maddening! I spent a couple hours trying to get it to work. I just wanted to make sure you did the steps that worked for me. It wasn't until I came to these steps that I figured it out and it finally worked.
Here are the last steps that made it happen for me:
I plugged my phone into my iMac and opened iTunes. I got this screen. Click the little phone icon circled in red. (that's what I was missing all along)
![User uploaded file](https://discussions.apple.com/content/attachment/850110040)
Then this screen appears... click on Tones
![User uploaded file](https://discussions.apple.com/content/attachment/850110040)
Then this screen appears... check Sync Tones, Selected tones, and the tone you'd like to sync... then click Sync (or apply) at the bottom of the screen.
![User uploaded file](https://discussions.apple.com/content/attachment/850104040)
I'm hoping this helps you. This is what I was missing to make it all happen.
icindi