Denied meeting request on ical displayed on iphone

Hello,

I have a problem with the sync of my ical calendar with my iphone via icloud. When I deny a meeting request in ical on my mac it gets display with a grey icon and won't show up when i set "do not show denied events" in menu. On my iphone the request is shown with a blue icon as I would have accepted the meeting request. The detailed infos are correct, it shows myself as denied. Also on icloud.com there is the possibility to not show denied events, but this doesn't work, it still shows the denied meeting...anyone else has this problem?

A negative side effect is also that I shared my calendar and my wife also gets these denied meeting request shown up on her device.

Oh, and one more thing...when i delete a denied request, the requestor gets a second mail with my denial and there seems no way to turn that off..hm?