I have similar problems! I have only tried to sync Exchange at home, not at my office. I have an Airport Extreme.
On my iPhone/iPad both mail and iCal work.
On my PowerBook Pro connected with wifi both mail and iCal work.
On my Mac Pro, connected with wire direct to the Extreme, mail works but in the beginning iCal refused to work. Nothing happended. I tried all of the tips above but nothing happened. Then I opened the Airport app and changed a parameter and then iCal started to work with Exchange!
Klick at the bottom "Internetalternativ... (sorry, from Sweden...)
I changed to Automatic and rebooted the Airport. Then it started to work. I got all of my calendar tasks from Exchange. But, there is a but. When I started my Mac Pro today iCal had all the information from Exchange but when I tried to write a new iCal meeting on my iPhone the Mac Pro didn't sync. I had to reboot my Extreme and then iCal started to sync.
My iCloud account works like a charm.
/Pär