my ipod is stuck in the do no disconnect mode. what can i do?

Try doing a Reset, following this procedure.

http://support.apple.com/kb/HT1320

Mine is too. I don't see it in iTunes or in the finder.

I've tried to reset my iPod many times. I either see "Do not disconnect" or a file folder with !

The "file folder with !" usually means the hard drive in your iPod has become faulty. I don't know how you would get to the point of having the "Do not disconnect" message on the screen, if the iPod cannot successfully start up normally.