my iphone is totally messed up. showing main screen magnified 100x and cannot reset. How do you turn this piece of crap off even to re-boot it?

Double tap the screen with 3 fingers.

You messed up the settings on your phone and you say IT is a piece of crap? The phone is doing exactly what you told it to do. If that isn't what you meant see: http://support.apple.com/kb/HT3577

You put on the zoom feature for the accessibility.. just like Stedman1 said, double tap with 3 fingers. Then to turn this off, go to:

Settings

General

Accessibility

Zoom -> Off