How to get iPhone 5 and iPad to "talk" to each other

Big long complicated story. Thanks in advance for any help and advice you can offer!

So my partner's old computer up and died on us recently. He blames iTunes, as we experienced a TON of issues when he wanted to relocate iTunes from the C:\ drive to a different hard drive on the computer. Long story short, he has now in essence forbidden me from installing iTunes on the new computer that just arrived last night. So I have an issue now.

I run both an iPhone 5 and an iPad. Usually, I would use iTunes to transfer information between the two, for example new music purchased on one device. I used iTunes to manage my playlists and music (etc) and would then sync both devices so that they, in essence, matched. Now I am not allowed to put iTunes on the computer, as my boyfriend is convinced it will kill it like our last one. (Side note: I think the computer died because it is an almost-3-yd-old gaming computer that was never properly shut down but always left to "idle", and it often ran too hot. But I'm a girl, so what do I know right?)

In the past I have tried using iTunes Match to get my devices to talk to each other outside of iTunes, which worked great! Except that because the music files are not actually stored on my phone it means that my stereo deck in my car cannot play any music on my iPhone. As I work out of town sometimes and have to drive 4 to 5 hours by myself, this is an issue.

So I really need a solution to one of the following:

1) A way to use iTunes Match AND have my car play the music on my iPhone (it's a deck where you just plug the USB cord from iPhone to deck).

2) A way to get my devices to communicate to each other without using iTunes.

3) A way to convince my boyfriend that iTunes will NOT kill the computer and that I am allowed to install and use it. (I also had the thought that if I can install and use iTunes on an external hard drive, I am okay with this method as well, but again, it needs to NOT kill the computer.)

Thanks for any help and advice! I know it's a confusing and complicated situation.

Oh, PS: Pretty sure the new computer is running Windows 7, but I haven't been on it yet so it might be running Windows 8?... It's a new Alienware gaming computer, if that makes any difference to the above.