The option to enter passcode for Remote in the device list menu doesn't exist in iTunes

When adding a library to the remote app - there doesn't seem to be an obvious place to enter the code displayed on the device. I don't know what the secret is to get this option to appear.

Sync, Back-up, Transfer and Restore are only options in the device menu. - It used to be there, as i was just trying to reset as the iPad couldnt find the library (iPhone can).

Turned home sharing on/off, preferences give option to forget paired remotes, but not to add.

Any ideas?