my friend uses my apple id to install apps that i paid and have already installed on my phone. how do i remove it from her phone?

If she is using your Apple ID herself, change the password so she cannot use it any more.

Threre is nothing you can do to remove the apps from another person's iPhone other than ask that person to remove them. And if you change your password she will not be able to update the apps since they are permanently linked to your Apple ID.