Translations:
>'Apple Developer Website Update'
See how we didn't admit to a problem there? We wanted to title it "...Website Outage Update", but the legal team laughed.
> an intruder attempted
An intern left a laptop on a bus...
>In the spirit of transparency
Our legal team told us we have to say this...
>we have not been able to rule out the possibility that
It's bad....really, really bad - be afraid.
>we’re completely overhauling
No idea on where this will go, so we felt it was best to paint our efforts with a broad brush and ourselves as heros.
>we expect to have the developer website up again soon
No one working on the issue has a clue, so please be childlike and trust us on this one.
>We apologize for the
Mea Culpa - we're falling on our sword for you guys/gals....really. Our legal team told us to say that too.