Let's get back to your question.
How do you charge it? Using a usb connection to your computer won't do it. It's not powerful enough. You have to use the charger your ipad came with and connect it to a wall outlet or surge protector.
Have you tried to reset it? You do that by holding down the power button and the home button at the same time for about 10 to 15 seconds until the Apple logo appears. See if that helps.
If nothing works, then it might be worth a trip, however far, to an Apple store in CT. They are in the bigger cities there. You might make a day of it - lots of shopping and restaurants...
And fyi, I appreciated your manners. That's how we how nad how we taught our sons to be - well mannered. And I think people like Paul McCartney, Elton John, Anthony Hopkins and myriad others did not reject Queen Elizabeth II bestowing knoghthood and the title of Sir on them because it would make them sound old.
Hope this helps.