Actually, for anyone interested, I just came up with a clever partial solution for gmail users. I don't know if this would apply at all to other email services, like Outlook, but you can certainly try it.
I'm going to tell the story of how I came across this. If you'd rather not waste your time, just skip down to THE SOLUTION. Everything you need to know is there. I just want to brag a little.
I discovered another forum where a user had a similar but different problem. He was a gmail user who had no interest in having an Apple ID at all. Unfortunately, someone had used his email address as their Apple ID. His concern was that he kept receiving this person's emails for their Apple ID account! He went on to find out that this person wasn't using his exact email address. If his username was bobjones@gmail.com, this random person had entered their email address for their Apple ID as bob.jones@gmail.com. They'd put in a period. Many email providers allow users to implement periods in their account names; gmail does not. In fact, in any case where an email is sent to a gmail address and periods are included, the periods are completely ignored. To gmail,bobjones@gmail.com is the same as bob.jones@gmail.com, and the same asb.o.b.j.o.n.e.s@gmail.com. Send an email to all three, and bobjones@gmail.com will receive them all. This user was never able to get his problem solved, as far as I can tell. The person who had used his email address was unwilling to change it, convinced that they were using their actual email address (dumb). He still receives this person's Apple emails to this day.
But this is good news for gmail users whose email address has been used by someone else as their Apple ID.
THE SOLUTION:
Create a new Apple ID using your real, legitimate gmail address - just add in a period wherever you want. If your gmail address is actually tomsmith@gmail.com, create a new Apple ID and make the email address tom.smith@gmail.com, or t.omsmith @gmail.com, or whatever you want. When you finish creating that Apple ID, you will have an email waiting in your real gmail inbox, tomsmith@gmail.com, asking you to verify your tom.smith@gmai.com Apple ID. And if you've been as frustrated as I've been, you will suddenly feel like the king of the world.
I hope this helps someone.