You write, "Apple pages have the dark gray Apple icon but any other sites..." It seems that you are stating that I'm stuck with Apple's dark gray colors [not icons] for tabs [and also for Bookmarks]. I need distinguishable tabs and Bookmarks on all Safari pages. I find it incredible that a company so visually credited can produce such a dull looking interface for its clients.
On my current webpage, I have three tabs and they are all grey with black lettering-- indistinguishable. And on top of the tabs I have a row of Bookmarks, all of which are as undistinguishable as the tabs!