where do i get the software so itunes recognizes it I want to erase and start over
The software is already part of iTunes, assuming you have a version that is recent enough to support your shuffle model. Are you using the latest version of iTunes? Which shuffle model do you have? This documment shows the four types
If you want to erase the shuffle, that is done using the Restore button in iTunes on the shuffle's Summary (or Settings) screen.
Retrieving data ...