Q: I have an iPod touch 3.1.1 and want to update it to a newer version, can I do this or not. I am getting very frustrated.

I suspect y have a 1G (original) iPod tuch. those can only go to 3.1.3

Identifying iPod models

If not then

To update

The Settings>General>Software Update comes with iOS 5 and later.

Connect the iPod to your computer and update via iTunes as far as your iPod model allows

iOS: How to update your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch

A 1G iPod can go to iOS 2.2 via iTunes and iOS 3.1.3 via

Purchasing iOS 3.1 Software Update for iPod touch (1st generation)       

https://buy.itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZFinance.woa/wa/touchLegacyLandingPage

A 2G to 4.2.1. Requires iTunes version 10.X. If a Mac it requires OSX 10.5.8 or later. With OSX 10.4.11 you can only go to iTunes 9.X which gets you as high as iOS 4.1

A 3G to 5.1.1  Requires iTunes version 10.5 or later

A 4G to 6  Requires iTunes version 10.7 or later. For a Mac, that requires a Mac with OSX 10.6.8 or later