Q: iphoto on my imac is showing that my ipad is connected even though it isn't so I can't connect my phone to upload new photos.

Try the following:

1 - delete the iPhoto preference file, com.apple.iPhoto.plist, that resides in your

     User/Home/Library/ Preferences folder.

2 - delete iPhoto's cache file, Cache.db, that is located in your

User/Home/Library/Caches/com.apple.iPhoto folder (Snow Leopard and Earlier).

or with Lion and Mt. Lion from the User/Library/Containers/com.apple.iPhoto/
Data/Library/Caches/com.apple.iPhoto folder

3 - reboot, launch iPhoto and try again.

NOTE:  In Lion and Mountain Lion the Library folder is now invisible. To make it permanently visible enter the following in the Terminal application window: chflags nohidden ~/Library and hit the Enter button - 10.7: Un-hide the User Library folder.

OT