I share my apple icloud ID with my family. when I upgraded it asked me whether to include telephone numbers which were family members as well as email addresses. now I'm getting texts and emails intended for my family, not me. how do i change settings

Go to Settings -> Messages -> Send & Receive. Uncheck the phone numbers that are not yours.

Welcome to the Apple Community.

You could simply ensure that only the numbers and addresses you wish to use on each device are checked at Settings > Messages > Send & Receive. However this isn’t an ideal solution because the other person can always change these settings from their device and have some fun with you and your contacts.

You’d be far better getting them to delete your account from their device and have them create one of their own. If you are sharing an ID for some other service such as iTunes, you can continue to do so, you only need change the ID for messages.

I'm having the same problem. I've unticked the appropriate places, then everything appeared OK. Now it's happening again. I think something has changed very recently. Did I read that Find my iphoine is now only available to the original Id and not for family members?