Q: how do i change or find my restrictions passcode if I don't remember it?

Hi, klittle24. 

Thank you for visiting Apple Support Communities. 

If you lose or forget a restriction passcode, you will need to perform a factory restore to remove it.  Make sure to import your photos and manually backup your device prior to processing these steps. 

iOS: Importing personal photos and videos from iOS devices to your computer

http://support.apple.com/kb/HT4083

iOS: How to back up and restore your content

http://support.apple.com/kb/HT1766

iOS: Understanding Restrictions (parental controls)

http://support.apple.com/kb/HT4213

iTunes: Restoring iOS software

http://support.apple.com/kb/HT1414

Cheers,

Jason H.