How do i remove all calendar notifications?

I used my 2G ipod touch as long and hard as i could until i got my iPhone. Now my kids are using the pod. Every time they let the battery drain completely, i get to reset the date and time. which is awesome except for the fact that EVERY TIME i roll past 2008, i start getting calendar notifications. that have to be closed. individually. BLECK!

I have removed every email account that had a calendar associated with it, i have reset the ipod, and i am moments from ERASE ALL CONTENT AND SETTINGS. This would break my 6 year old's heart because Angry Birds would be gone... Please help me, help her. She looks pitiful when she's sad...