It sounds like you are not able to update iTunes, nor see your iPad in iTunes anymore. I recommend these steps to help get your iTunes application updating correctly:
If you do not have an active connection to the Internet, or if your Internet security settings are configured to prevent iTunes from communicating with Apple, iTunes will alert you that the update server could not be contacted. Resolve your Internet issues and attempt to update again.
From: iTunes: How to install the latest version
For your iPad not showing in iTunes I would try either of these articles depending on the computer you are using:
iOS: Device not recognized in iTunes for Windows
iOS: Device not recognized in iTunes for Mac OS X
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