my phone is disabled and I can not find the settings to unlock it

Connect the device to the computer and iTunes and follow the steps in this support document. http://support.apple.com/kb/ht1212

go to itunes

you might have to pay apple to unlock it

That is ridiculous. You do not pay Apple to unlock phones. Where did you come up with that? If you are going to participate in the forum, you need to ensure that the information that you provide to posters is correct.