Q: cant change primary email because its my back up address

Hi Sundancer2,

I apologize, I'm a bit unclear on the exact nature of the issue you are describing. If you are talking about verifying or changing one or more of the email addresses used with your Apple ID, you may find the following articles helpful:

Change your Apple ID

http://support.apple.com/kb/HT5621

Manage your Apple ID primary, rescue, alternate, and notification email addresses

http://support.apple.com/kb/HT5620

Apple ID: What to do after you change your Apple ID

http://support.apple.com/kb/HT5796

Regards,

- Brenden