Q: where's the appleTV selection on the iTunes homepage.  need to reload my appletv using the HDMI cable

You can't restore AppleTV to a computer via HDMI.  Do you mean microUSB?

I would not even try hooking up via HDMI if your computer has this as you could potentially damage AppleTV.

Have you seen this?

Apple TV (2nd and 3rd generation): Restoring your Apple TV - Apple Support

When you say the remote is not working, does the light on AppleTV flicker when you use the remote but nothing happens?

If so hold Menu and left arrow/rewind keys TOGETHER for over 6 seconds and see if you get an unlinked chain appearing on screen- if you do it may now work.