my itunes for iphone is rejecting all passwords correct or wrong, any ideas why?

Are you still logged into the account in Settings > iTunes & App Store ? If you are then try tapping on it and logging out of the account and then log back in with your current password so as to 'refresh' the account on it

No, they are different email addresses. A rescue email address is set by answering your security questions on the Password & Security section of your account on http://appleid.apple.com : Manage your Apple ID primary, rescue, alternate, and notification email addresses - Apple Support

Not without answering your questions. If you can't remember your answers then you will have to contact Support in your country to get the questions reset.

Contacting Apple about account security : Contact Apple for help with Apple ID account security

If your country isn't on that page then try this form to contact Support : https://www.apple.com/emea/support/itunes/contact.html

When they've been reset you can then add a rescue email address for potential future use : Manage your Apple ID primary, rescue, alternate, and notification email addresses

Or if it's available in your country you could change to 2-step verification : Frequently asked questions about two-step verification for Apple ID