5th Gen 'connect to iTunes' screen dilemma?

I'm in a little bit of a pickle here.

I submitted a question about this not too long ago, and for the same exact problem, but this time, it's a little ... different?

About a month or so ago, I bought a brand new 5th gen. touch through QVC. After setting it up, I attempted to install the recommended update (8.1.3) through iTunes. After it made the attempt, I got the 3014 error code, and a fun surprise to go with it. I was now unable to even restore my iPod, as it was permanently stuck on the "connect to iTunes" screen.

I tried absolutely everything - hard reset, resetting the host file, using a different computer, everything I could seem to find just wouldn't work.

So, I contacted QVC, and was lucky enough to get them to send me a replacement.

Now, you'd think common sense would kick in here. "Don't update your iPod with your computer, just don't do it!" Right? Nope. I didn't have a whole lot of experience with any Apple products, so I wasn't aware that you didn't actually have to use your computer to update.

Tried it again, and I'm now stuck in the same position I was last time. Brand new iPod, just like the last one, so I don't imagine it's a hardware issue.

S.O.S, send help?