Q: Why is it such a nightmare to update safari and where can I find it?  Why is this not automatic?

The newest version of Safari for 10.6.8 is 5.1.10. Safari updates beyond that are either part of a Mac OS X upgrade, or require that a Mac OS X upgrade has been installed on the computer.

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OS 10.6.8 went obsolete in July 2011 when OS 10.7 was released.

Your computer will support up the OS 10.10 Yosemite, the current version.

If you wish to contimue using an outdated OS, FireFox is your best option:

https://www.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/products/

If you can upgrade your Mac to a newer OS X that will automatically update Safari for you.

Check the requirements for v10 Yosemite >  How to install OS X Yosemite on your Mac - Apple Support

Keep in mind, Yosemite is not an update, it's an upgarde. Big difference.

what do you do if your computer is to old to support that new software and having the same problem?  Do you just deal and go to firefox?

Use Firefox when required.