in answer to your question, icloud is on, photo sharing is on, but only for albums when I specify them.
well I did not do anything but remove several songs, add a new playlist and one app, and lo and behold when I connect it iphoto it registers 0 photos! Nothing logical about why it does so now. However it is still hanging on "loading", even though it says zero photos.
So I just took four photos, and now it reads them instantly, no longer hanging on "loading"
all a mystery, that strange nonlinear path of software behaviour...belying the incredible complexity of the programming which I assume can have subtly unforeseen situations leading to erratic behaviour.
Needless to say, thanks for your attention and help! It seems the solution was just transferring some data, perhaps to refresh the file structure.