How can you change the settings on our Apple account so we don't need to change our password if it was entered wrong more than once. This is a really stupid policy that impacts those of us who don't constantly use our apple accounts.

You can't change the way that passwords work, if you keep getting it wrong you will need to reset it. If you want to leave feedback for Apple about it (these are user-to-user forums) : http://www.apple.com/feedback/ - but it's unlikely to change.

For your security questions, if you have a rescue email address on your account then you can use that to reset them : If you forgot the answers to your Apple ID security questions - Apple Support

If you don't have a rescue email address you will have to contact Support in your country to get them reset : Contact Apple for help with Apple ID account security - Apple Support

If your country isn't on that page : https://www.apple.com/emea/support/itunes/contact.html

If you aren't receiving the reset email, and you've checked the spam folder as well as the inbox, then contact Support as per my above reply.

And then either check that you spelt your rescue email address correctly : About your Apple ID email addresses - Apple Support

Or change to 2-step verification : Frequently asked questions about two-step verification for Apple ID - Apple Support

Are you certain that you have a Rescue email set up? This is a totally different email than either your Apple account or your Alternate email address. You could use Two-step Verification which eliminates the need to use Security Questions at all:

TWO STEP VERIFICATION

The only thing to be aware of with Two Step is that for applications like Messages and FaceTime, you have to use an App-specific password to sign into those apps. These are apps that you typically only sign into occasionally, since once you have signed in you stay signed in, but the whole App-specific password can be confusing.

But once you know that when signing into those apps or any app that does not invoke Two Step when signing in, that you need to enter the App-specific password (which you generate in Manage your Apple ID: Apple - My Apple ID) rather than your own Apple/iCloud ID password, it is not difficult.

Using app-specific passwords - Apple Support

Cheers,

GB