Can't install iTunes on Windows 10: An error occured during installation of assembly "Microsoft VC80.CRT

Hello all,

I'm trying to install iTunes on my freshly minted installation of Windows 10 on my 64-bit machine and I am having NO luck. I keep running into this error message:

I've searched the web for answers and have tried the following:

1. Ensure 'Windows Module Installer' service is running

2. Ensure the Apple Mobile Device service is running

3. Completely uninstall ALL Apple and apple-related software including removing the 'Apple' folder from Program Files (x86)/Common Files

4. Install the Microsoft C++ Service Pack 1 redistributable blah blah blah

I've done all of the above, rebooted between each step and attempt and still end up here.

Someone please help!