Can attach a file from my desktop to an email using finder

when I click the paperclip it takes me to finder

That is not actually Finder, but a standard file selection dialog box used inside many Applications, including Mail. The name in the home position of the menuBar will indicate you are still inside Mail.

So i get the spiny thing then it stops and no files in the list.

It is possible (but not common) that the permissions for the desktop are not correct.

It is also possible that the View you have selected (especially Icon view) does not have any icons in view in the default position. If this is the case, either scroll the window until files appear, or select List View by its Icon (second from left with four horizontal lines) in the top line of the dialog box, and files should appear.

If you have over 100 Icons "loose" on the desktop, your entire Mac may be slow (perhaps why you see the beachball). The solution for this is to create one or more folder(s) on the desktop and place similar types of files or projects together in a folder; or create a similar folder inside the 'documents' folder.

Are you selecting List View, as shown in this screen shot?

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seeing the grayy spinny thing or the umbrella/beachball when looking for files like this could indicate you are desperately short of memory, or that your Hard Drive is failing.

How much RAM is in your Mac? Have you looked at the "memory" display in Activity Monitor to check the Memory Pressure graph?

Mac OS X uses all available memory, by design. But in most cases, it can free up memory occupied by cached items instantly, and provide free memory for requests made by Applications.

Activity Monitor: Determine if your Mac could use more RAM

As the article says, the graph should be green, and swap used should be minimal.

You can Quit unused Applications to free more memory for now. (not just close Application windows, but Quit the Application).

Closing excessive Safari windows will also help.