Can't connect to App Store, other fixes don't work

I'm having an apparently common problem, blank screen and "can't connect" error when I open the App Store, but none of the posted solutions I've found work for me. I've restarted, force restarted, signed in and out of everything, set the date forward restarted then set it automatically signed in and out and... Nothing.

I recently upgraded to a 5s and I'm on iOS 9.0.1. I'll update to 9.0.2 as soon as I can, but I'm not optimistic that will help. Does anyone have any novel suggestions?