I have been having problems for a while with my AppleID situation

for reference > Apple ID - Apple Support

1. go here > https://appleid.apple.com/account/manage
2. login to your wife's account with its current credentials
3. change the Primary Email Address to one that she wishes
4. [Save]

That should do the trick - let us know if this is not joyful

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Please also note this document:

Change your Apple ID - Apple Support

If the email address ends ends with @icloud.com, @me.com, or @mac.com, you cannot change it as it is an Apple ID. However, you can change any other email address.

Unfortunately, according to the ToU, we are not allowed to post private information here as it is not safe to publish such info in an open online forum so the hosts will most likely remove it.

Howdy Doug

We here are all users like you, not Apple Support employees.

What part of the step-by-step can we help with?

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Just to give you a iittle explanation on how these forums work: the forums are visited 24/7 by other users from all over the globe; there is no Apple tech support personnel here - we are all volunteers. So, you post a question and anyone who has an answer to your problem will post it. Someone else might chime in with a similar/different idea. You post back to either one to say, for instance, you tried this step, but it didn't work - or maybe it did and everything is fine. Basically, that is how it goes - there is no phone number or private messaging. If you would rather talk to someone on the phone, you can call Apple tech support; if your machine is out of warranty, there is a charge. Or, as a free alternative, Apple has Genius Bars in their Apple stores - you can make an appointment online and you will be able to talk person to person when you get there. That service for troubleshooting/diagnostics is free; you do need to bring your Mac or iDevice with you.

So, back to this situation: I asked the hosts to remove your email address because it is not safe to publish it here (and that is the reason it is not allowed per the ToU). You can, if you want, put it in your profile page and then direct people to it if you want. However, 99% of the volunteers here simply answer questions here and are not available for private tech support because we spend/volunteer what little extra time we have here. Why is it a bad idea to publish it online? Because there are bots and web crawlers (software) which are all over the internet trying to steal private information - if you have it somewhere, they will find it. I decided it would be kinder to let you know why your email address was being removed, rather than having you wonder what happened. That, apparently, did not please the other person (which is absolutely irrelevant); however, do not let that stop you from asking and getting the help you need. There are a lot of participants here with awesome levels of knowledge, so I'm sure someone will be able to help you as I will no longer be participating in this thread.

My recommendation would be that you restate exactly which steps or procedures you need help with after reading the links that have been provided. Good luck!