Hi temekugirl,
I understand that you are stuck on an Ask to Buy for your family. Let's go over some of that information to get that sorted out.
Start with taking a look at the settings and steps for turning on Ask to Buy as well as approving them. As long as you have gone through this setup, then you should get notifications with the ability to approve or deny them.
Turn on Ask to Buy
The family organizer can turn on Ask to Buy for any family member who isn't an adult. It's on by default for any children under 13, and you'll be asked if you want to enable Ask to Buy when inviting anyone under 18 to your family group.*
Use these steps to turn Ask to Buy on or off for family members who are under 18* in your family group. If you turn off Ask to Buy for a family member after they turn 18,* you can't turn it on again.
iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch
- Tap Settings > iCloud > Family and tap your family member's name.
- Tap Ask to Buy.
Mac
- Choose Apple menu > System Preferences > iCloud.
- Click Manage Family and select your family member's name.
- Select Ask to Buy.
If you created your child's account using Apple ID for Students, you can use Ask to Buy for personal purchases outside of the educational institution. It won't apply to any apps or other content distributed by the school.

Approve or decline a request
If you're the organizer, you can use these steps to make or decline the purchase from your iOS device or Mac:
- Open the notification to see the item that your family member wants to get. (See your notifications on your Mac or iOS device.)
- Approve or decline the purchase.
- If you approve, you need to sign in with your Apple ID and password to make the purchase.
After it's purchased, the item is added to the family member’s account and shared with the rest of the family group. If a family member downloads a previous purchase again, downloads a shared purchase, installs an update, or uses a redemption code in the store, the organizer won't get a notification.
If you decline the request or don't make the purchase, it will be deleted after 24 hours, and the child will need to make the request again.
Choose another approver
The organizer can give another parent or guardian in the group permission to manage Ask to Buy requests. Only one adult needs to manage each purchase, and after it's done, the purchase is final.
- On your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch, tap Settings > iCloud > Family, tap your family member, then tap Parent/Guardian.
- On your Mac, choose Apple menu > System Preferences > iCloud, select your family member, then select Parent/Guardian.
Request and make purchases with Ask to Buy
https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT201089
Let me know if this helps or need further assistance on this issue.
Have a good day