what to do when iPad is disabled?

Try Recovery Mode

If you've never synced with iTunes or set up Find My iPhone in iCloud, you'll need to use recovery mode to restore your device. This will erase the device and its passcode.

1. Connect your iOS device to your computer and open iTunes. If you don't have a computer, borrow one from a friend, or go to an Apple Retail Store or Apple Authorized Service Provider.
2. While your device is connected, force restart it: Press and hold the Sleep/Wake and Home buttons at the same time. Don't let go when you see the Apple logo — keep holding until you see the recovery mode screen.
   
3. When you see the option to Restore or Update, choose Restore.
   iTunes will download software for your device. If it takes more than 15 minutes, your device will exit recovery mode and you'll need to repeat steps 2 and 3.
   
4. Wait for the process to finish. Then you can set up and use your device.

What are you accessing the internet with to post this?

If you forgot the passcode for your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch, or your device is disabled - Apple Support

Thank you for helping, Demo. Unfortunately, I only get part of the way to joy. When does the screen with options appear? The screen with the iTunes logo, an arrow, and connector appear, but nothing else - no screen on which to choose anything.

You should see these options in iTunes on the computer screen. If you tap on the link that deggie provided, you will see the screenshots that accompanied the text that I copied and pasted here.