how do i delete a message that is trying to send in the outbox
the message has an attachment and the gear keeps spinning so swipe to delete and edit to delete are not available
I assume that you are talking about an email because you mentioned the outbox, so try closing the mail app and force restart the device. No data is lost when you do this.
Press the Home button two times quickly. You'll see small previews of your recently used apps. Swipe left to find the app you want to close. Swipe up on the app's preview to close it
To force restart your device, press and hold both the Sleep/Wake and Home buttons for at least ten seconds, until you see the Apple logo.