iPod 5th gen won't turn on or charge
Long story short. It went dead last night, and now it won't even charge. I've plugged it into various sockets, used various cords/blocks, and I even tried it on my PC. Nothing. And no, the obligatory "why don't you just hold the power and menu buttons down" does not work (so please just save it). I'm actually quite ****** and I'm looking for some real, serious fixes. So, I'll let you Apple 'geniuses' have at it.
EDIT: It's been plugged in for HOURS. Yet, every time I hold the power button, it displays the picture of the drained battery with a charger cord below it, and a lightning bolt above it.
iPod touch, iOS 9.2.1, 5th gen