I want to share itunes with my family but not apple id or icloud. Can this be done? We have imessages going to wrong phones and the children have access to data they shouldn't.

No other option than Family Sharing.

Why did Family Sharing not work for you? Perhaps there are solutions to your issues.

You can all have your own Apple/iCloud ID and sign into iCloud functions like iCloud, Messages, FaceTime, with your individual IDs, and can share a single Apple/iTunes ID and sign into the iTunes & App Store with that ID for purchasing and downloading iTunes purchases to your devices.

Just so you know - both the iTunes ID and the iCloud ID are Apple IDs. If you have two different ones they are just used for two different purposes, but they are still both Apple IDs.

This support article may help:

Sign in with your Apple ID on a new device - Apple Support

There is a section in this article that explains using a different Apple ID for iCloud and for iTunes.

Best of luck,

GB

How many people do you have & how many unique Apple ID's & devices do you have?

What you describe (seeing each others messages) is normally when one ID is shared amongst different people. It seems to end in frustration every time I see it, it isn't meant to work like that.

iOS displays so many 'login to iCloud' dialogs that do not say why it is too easy to activate services that you didn't intend & people eventually lose data because another person did something wrong on the same ID (like deleting contacts that get synced everywhere).

Each person needs there own Apple ID, sorry it is not what you want to hear but it is the solution I'm afraid.

Your alternative is to disable every syncing feature of iCloud & hope that they never get enabled.