HT204204: Update the iOS software on your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch
Learn about Update the iOS software on your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch
Q: iPhone does not appear when plugged into laptop?
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Mar 26, 2016 7:26 AMby elcpu,See: If iTunes doesn't recognize your iPhone, iPad, or iPod - Apple Support
As far as the update, Apple has pulled the iOS 9.3 update for some devices (iPad Airs and previous, iPhone 5s and previous) due to problems with activation. You will not be able to update until a fix is issued. Just wait a while (days or hours ??) until the issue is resolved.
See this article for details
http://www.imore.com/apple-working-ios-93-fix-older-iphone-ipad
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Mar 26, 2016 1:01 PMby bponz,The article was helpful, although I know my Apple ID. When I open iTunes, it already has my iPad icon there, and when I plug in my phone, it doesn't see it and nothing is there. I added my phone serial number to my Apple Support page and will see if that helps. I have updated my phone using this laptop more than once. I can't find anything that tells me how to get iTunes to 'see' my phone.
