Q: tried to use itunes for my disabled phone it now states it cant cvonnect to iyunes cuz it needs passcode bugt thats why my phone wa disabled in fifrst place...forgot my code

Try following the steps here:

If you forgot the passcode for your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch, or your device is disabled - Apple Support

yes

RE: If you forgot the passcode for your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch, or your device is disabled - Apple Support

It doesn't work for me.  I am trying to do "Erase your device with recovery mode".

I see the Apple logo, but iTunes just complains, iphone is locked with a password, enter your password.  The Restore or Update dialog never comes up.

If you are still seeing the passcode screen, then the device is not making it into Recovery Mode. It may take more than one try, but if you cannot get it into Recovery Mode, then you can try using iCloud to erase it as it states in the support document, or you will need to make an appointment at the Genius Bar.

working now, not sure why.

nope, still didn't work.  the update downloaded, but now iTunes is saying the same thing... can't access because need to enter passcode.  iphone is disabled.

I rebooted the iphone, still the same.