What to do when iTunes destroys playlists after syncing

I just updated my iphone6s to OD 9.3.1. I just updated my iTunes account yesterday.12.3.3, I think. It' the latest as of 4/20/2016. I wanted to sync my phone because I'd purchased a couple of cd's that I wanted in my library and on my phone. This used to be a simple task. But, not anymore. It simply did not sync the cd's to my phone. So, then I selected Music, and sync. I did get a warning that it would erase my phone and copy my library back to my phone because I had more than one library (which I do not, unless the update created another one). Even, if by some magic fairy dust I had more than one library, the one on my screen was EXACTLY what was on my phone, except for the 3 darn playlists that would never go from my phone to my library. So, I stupidly selected, Yes, continue. I'm fuming because it destroyed every single playlist I had! Those playlists were in the library I synced to. I have an old phone that I can possibly figure out how to recreate the playlists, but it appears some of my music is missing, take Christmas music for instance. It's the only type I can easily determine is missing because I had it in a playlist and now it's empty and the music is gone, except for the last album I purchased on iTunes. I think anything that was ever on a cd is gone. I spent years building this darn library and playlists, and I can't even tell what is missing! Who the heck has 2500 songs memorized? I thought Apple had finally quit having these types of horrifying problems, but I guess not. I haven't had problems in about two years, and now, it's back to doing utterly inexplicable things. When I first started using iTunes years ago, it was user friendly, and now it is the exact opposite of that! I buy most of my darn music from iTunes! This particular music wasn't sold on iTunes! So, if they don't allow it to sync, don't pull it into my library! I don't play music off of my computer! Other than recreating playlists from my old phone, and forever wondering what the heck else is missing because I CANNOT go through that many songs one by one! I have chronic severe headaches and thanks to Apple, it's a humdinger tonight!!!!!! My kids just tell me to stream whatever I want to listen to. I like having music I can pick from, something at list I can keep (aka my library) so I can remember to play some old favorites sometimes. I know this is just a lost cause, but I'm too furious to not vent into cyberspace