to have a spending limit for my account regardless of the family members age. I also would like to be able to just share music streaming and not allow any purchases period is there anyway to do this?
You can't set a spending limit, you can only enable 'ask to buy' (depending upon the member's age) so that you have to approve all purchases : Request and make purchases with Ask to Buy - Apple Support
If you don't want them to be able to buy anything you can hide the App Store ('Installing Apps'), iTunes Store and iBookstore via Settings > General > Restrictions on their iOS devices. For a computer's iTunes you can turn off the store via the Restrictions tab in its preferences, but if they know the computer's password they can re-enable it (on a Mac they can, not sure about a PC).
Spending limits ... Only share Apple Music streaming don't allow purchases?
