I want to share my calandar with my spouse but not my kids while sharing apps with all. How can I do this

A few options:

Assuming that you and your wife have separate iCloud accounts, add one of your iCloud accounts to the other person's device as a secondary iCloud account (yes, you can have more than one iCloud account on the same device). Then use the calendar from this secondary account istead of the Family calendar. The downside is that you would have full access to the other person's mail and contacts. This method has no impact to iMessage, FaceTime, calls or call history.

Or, create yet another iCloud account to share with your wife and add it as a secondary iCloud account to both your devices, and use that account's calendar instead of the Family one. This makes for an "independent" account so each other's Mail and Contacts remain private and separate. This method also allows the sharing of iCloud Notes, whereas the method above does not. And like above, no impact to iMessage, FaceTime, calls or call history.

Or, use a non-Apple calendar service (like Gmail) and share that.

RReally. I am finding apple family share to really suck. There are no admin controls for the main account holder to restrict what members see. the Apple Store salesman had me set up my kids thru family share sonincould control what they download and do. Yet I cannot limit them from sharing my stuff Including priority work product that I am now in violation of my companies IP regulations. Thabks a lot apple for creating such a half *** system.