how can i unlock my iphone 5s with itunes if its disabled

The problem is that your computer has to fully download the software update. While it's doing this you will see the popups that tell you allow access by responding on your iPhone. Just keep canceling and restarting your phone in recovery mode. The software update will continue each time you restart. Once my software update was done, I had to restart in recovery mode 1 more time and then the recovery process started.

Click the arrow by the search bar to see the download progress.

I hope this helps someone!

The link describes all of the methods: If you forgot the passcode for your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch, or your device is disabled - Apple Support