denied ID change

OK

There are only two places to have a "name" that I know of

• Your Apple ID
  https://appleid.apple.com/account/manage
• and here in ASC

I was just now able to change my "manage" name three times with no problem

You seem to have just begun participating here in ASC today - right? If you want to change that USERname, only the Hosts here can do that.

Which name do you want to change?

Are you really asking about changing your primary email address? > Change your Apple ID - Apple Support

Who "told" you "there's no way to do it other than deleting"?

Tell us, in detail, what you have been "trying... to update my Apple ID for the last 3 years"

The instructions in this article Change your Apple ID - Apple Supportwould seem to indicate that you can change the Apple ID if you have another email address already associated with that account. I would consider exploring options for adding an additional email to the existing account. See if anything in this article helps:

About your Apple ID email addresses - Apple Support

Meanwhile, while I know that you're unhappy with the inability to easily change your Apple ID, it is not a policy designed to demean trans folks. Small comfort, I know.

OK

Current Apple article

iCloud: About your @icloud.com, @me.com, and @mac.com email addresses - Apple Support

It seems to me that you want to change what other people SEE regarding your Apple email identity, right?

See if this helps

iCloud: Create or change email aliases

An email alias is an email address that conceals your actual email address from a recipient. An alias can help you manage the email you receive, and monitor the sources of unwanted messages. You can both send and receive email from an email alias using Mail on iCloud.com.

From the earlier article I posted > Change your Apple ID - Apple Support

If your Apple ID email address ends with @icloud.com, @me.com, or @mac.com, you can only change your email address to another @icloud.com, @me.com, or @mac.com email that's already associated with your account. Changing your email address will change the Apple ID that other people see when sharing with you and what Apple shows when referring to your account.

I have no personal experience with this, but you MAY be able to CREATE a new alias that will do what you want

Try contacting iTunes Support to see if there is something they can do to transfer your purchases to a new Apple ID. Scroll to the bottom of the page in the 2nd link.

iTunes Support

iTunes Support – world wide

OK

You will likely need to escalate to the highest level specialist when you

Contact Apple for help with Apple ID account security - Apple Support

Be assertive but civil when asking to speak with each level specialist

If, when you reach "the top", they tell you that it cannot be done - it cannot be done

I have read about folks here getting changes made made because of "identity theft" issues - not sure if the primary email address was included in those though

theniftyallie wrote:

Everything I look at says iTunes purchases can not be transferred to another account. I'll try but doesn't look promising.

I have heard stories of iTunes Support being willing to transfer purchases to a new account under special circumstances. Basically, they load your purchase history into the download queue of your new Apple ID. It's certainly worth asking about.

I think what Eric is trying to say is that, "nothing is impossible"

When you talk with any of these contacts (may well be in different departments that do not "communicate" with each other), keep this "transfer content to new ID" idea in mind