Depending on where and how you look for information, and if you can
discover a way to combine the issues you've had since upgrading to
High Sierra macOS 10.13.x then you could combine tactics to resolve
an issue that seems to have its fingers into all of your Shared content.
And your externally enclosed storage drives should be adequately able
to sustain your libraries; examples such as 'owc macsales' site has are
professional level, if one looks & the costs of backups doesn't scare.
To have more than one backup, including several of the entire macOS plus
additional bootable clone of full system, is a smart move. Are you invested?
IF you and your significant other are sharing an AppleID to use content
in this latest macOS, there may be issues due to how security has been
changed since, say macOS 10.10.5, or earlier.
iTunes - Official Apple Support
Back to iTunes. This has been evolving for some time.
•iTunes for Mac: Use Multiple iTunes Libraries:
You can have more than one iTunes library. For example, you could have a library of holiday
music that wouldn’t appear in iTunes the rest of the year. Or you could keep your music in a
library on your computer and your movies in a library on an external storage device.
https://support.apple.com/kb/PH19508?viewlocale=en_US&locale=en_US
How will a Family Apple Music plan affect my personal iTunes Library?
(a discussions question-with-answers, that may affect your iTunes issues)
• iTunes for Mac: Use Home Sharing to import items from another iTunes library
• Apple Support articles:
About iTunes library files
Manage your iTunes Store account
Usage rights for iTunes Store purchases
Did you have Issues under previous older Mac OS and sought an upgrade Fix?
..Usually it's ill-advised to attempt an upgrade to try & resolve an OS issue..
[I've only had a few dozen dozen Mac computers from about 1985 to 2012
models; most not new, and learned how to repair hardware & re-install OS.]
These newer macOS, where everything is based on internet archive to restore
leaves me to wonder. ~ Only IF the internet were treated like a utility, to rely on.
In any event...
Good luck & happy computing! 🙂