If I delete a photo from my phone it will disappear from everywhere and I don't see an option of just deleting on the iphone or ipad.
This should only happen, if you are using iCloud Photo Library or My Photo Stream on your devices.
Do not use iCloud Photo Library, if you want to have different sets of photos on your devices. iCloud Photo Library is a syncing service. You use it to ensure that all devices are showing exactly the same sets of photos. If you want to transfer the photos from your iPhone to your computer and then to delete them from the computer, do not use any cloud services on your devices, but connect the iPhone to a USB port and download the new photos to Photos that are not yet on your Mac. Then delete the photos from your iPhone.
Or use My Photostream. It will sync new photos from your iPhone automatically to your Mac and new Photos from the Mac to the iPhone, But the drawback is, that it does not transfer Live Photos and videos, and if you delete photos from My Photo stream, they will also be deleted from all devices.