How in the heck do I view what’s actually in my cloud

From an iPhone, iCloud synced data is viewed using the related apps on the iPhone (e.g., Photos app for iCloud Photo Library, Contacts app for contacts, Files app for iCloud Drive files, etc). From a computer you can log into www.icloud.com.

Also note that you cannot view the contents of iPhone backups to iCloud. They can only be used to do a restore or to set up a new device.