so when i put the iphone in recovery mode itunes askes me to put in the passcode even when it said iphone disabled please connect to itunes and my itunes says to put passcode tf

Then you have not successfully gotten the device into Recovery Mode. See this.

Erase your device with iTunes to remove your passcode

If you've synced your device with iTunes, you can restore your device. This will erase the device and its passcode.

1. Connect your device to the computer you synced with.
2. Open iTunes. If asked for a passcode, try another computer you've synced with, or use recovery mode.

Erase your device with recovery mode to remove your passcode

If you've never synced with iTunes, you'll need to use recovery mode to restore your device. This will erase the device and its passcode.

1. Connect your iOS device to your computer and open iTunes. If you don't have a computer, borrow one from a friend, or go to an Apple Retail Store or Apple Authorized Service Provider.
2. While your device is connected, force restart it:
   
   • On an iPhone X, iPhone 8, or iPhone 8 Plus: Press and quickly release the Volume Up button. Press and quickly release the Volume Down button. Then, press and hold the Side button until you see the recovery-mode screen.
     
   • On an iPhone 7 or iPhone 7 Plus: Press and hold both the Side and Volume Down buttons at the same time. Keep holding them until you see the recovery-mode screen.
     
   • On an iPhone 6s and earlier, iPad, or iPod touch: Press and hold both the Home and the Top (or Side) buttons at the same time. Keep holding them until you see the recovery-mode screen.
     
     
3. When you see the option to Restore or Update, choose Restore.
   iTunes will download software for your device. If it takes more than 15 minutes, your device will exit recovery mode and you'll need to repeat steps 2 and 3.
4. Wait for the process to finish. Then you can set up and use your device.

Get more help

If you can't update or restore your device using recovery mode, or you can't use recovery mode because of broken or stuck buttons, contact Apple Support. Then follow the steps to set up service for your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch.

To summarize, if you're being prompted to enter the passcode on your phone, you did not successfully put it into recovery mode.