Permanently Disable Siri

I know I am alone in my feelings but I absolutely hate Siri (It would take too many pages to list the reasons why). I hate it on my iPhone, my iPad and my 3 Macbooks. The most annoying thing about it is how it accidentally pops up when I hit the home button on my iPhone and iPad. I disabled it on both my iPhone and iPad via Settings. However, now when I hold the Home button for a nanosecond too long, a new, even more annoying screen pops up telling me Siri is disabled (duh) and then asking if I want to enable it (even more, stronger, DUH). Is there any way I can permanently remove Siri from appearing, including the warning screen that it is disabled? How about the Macbook with touch bar (the Siri key is placed horribly). Any help appreciated. How can I kill Siri?