luv2rideharleys,
You mention two problems with your iPod:
First it isn't showing up in iTunes. Second, your iPod is not playing back music correctly.
Is this an iPod Shuffle? If so you may want to try the iPod Shuffle reset utility from
http://www.apple.com/support/downloads/
If it isn't a iPod Shuffle, try putting the iPod into Disk mode, and see if it is detected. If it is, you may need to restore the iPod.
Beyond, those suggestions, there are a few other suggestions, but narrowing down the issue a bit would help.
Does the "Charging" or "Do Not Disconnect" screen come up on the iPhone when connected?
Thank you,
Nathan C.